In this guest article, Mark Obcena gives us a humorous account of what it would be like to be your own worst client. Mark does this by writing in the perspective of the client who is writing an email to another member of staff. You will enjoy this very original article and you may also enjoy some other funny graphic design jokes and parodies.
Hey Frank! I gave Alice [The Secretary] the go signal to post those ads for the graphic designer to do the logo. She says that we’ll probably have to do interviews next week. I still don’t know why you insisted on replacing the old designer we had. I still think my Tommy made a good job with our logo. Don’t know where he learned using that paint program, but you have to admit, that logo is really good.
So I’ll just keep you posted.
To: [email protected]fakeemail.com
Subject: Designer Interviews and New Logo
My goodness Frank! You should have been here! Those designers were nuts! Nuts I tell you! I wanted to fire Alice after the last one went out! I don’t know where she got those bozos but they’re crazy!
The first one was this guy from some design firm. I think his name was Barry or Larry or something. Nice guy, wore a suit. So I started asking him questions and looked at their firm’s portfolio. I was impressed actually. Then I gave him the things he needs and a copy of the old logo. And then he asks me whether or not I would like to start the project right away. So I told him yeah we need the logo right away. He said okay and gave me an estimated schedule. Do you know what he tells me? It will take around two to three weeks for the logo to be done! Christ on a crutch! Two weeks??!! I’m not asking him to paint the Mona Lisa! A logo for two weeks??!! My Tommy made the old logo in like, what? Three minutes?
And so I just asked him to leave his card or something to Alice. Then came the next one, some kid named Tristan. A fresh graduate I think, said he was a “freelancer.” He showed me his book with the samples and all. They were good pieces and I told him so, but then I noticed that I didn’t recognise any of the names of the products or the brands and there was this note that said “design concepts” on the samples. So I asked him whether those were for foreign companies. He tells me that they were actually “conceptual designs” – and by that he means that they were just phony companies he did for the book. So I tell him that we can’t hire him because he doesn’t have experience. I mean, he expects us to hire him when he hasn’t even had a real client! And then he goes, “But I thought you said the designs were good?” And I said, “Yeah, but they’re faked, so they don’t qualify.” And I told him that if he really wants to work as a designer, then he shouldn’t go creating designs for non-existent companies. Doesn’t he know he could go to jail for that?! By the way, what are “achers” and why do I need to shove them in my mouth?
The last one was a brunette who works for some other design firm, Pauline. Beautiful girl, though not the smiling type. So I did the same routine, browsed through the book, gave her the details and the old logo. And you know what she did when she saw the old logo? She actually grimaced! A real bitch. But anyway, I overlooked that one because she said that it would take only a week for the logo to be finished. So I said okay, send the designs so I could pick the one I liked. She then tells me that we have to work out a contract first before they can begin working! Mental, right? I mean, what if we didn’t like their work? That would be like buying a car and only getting a test drive when you’ve paid it in full! I told her that and then she begins talking and talking about how it isn’t right to go soliciting work from designers before getting into an agreement. Says that it’s “spec work” or something. I told her, “No that’s assurance. We need to be sure we’ll like your work. For all we know, you could be giving us bad designs.” The bitch stands up, shakes my hand and then leaves! Christ! Where did Alice get these people??!!
Don’t worry. I know you, you’re the worrying type so I took care of everything. Turns out that Bill, the guy from accounting, knows how to do Photoshop so I asked him to make a logo for us. It’s good Frank, it’s really good. I attached the logo so you could see it.
< Super Amateurish Logo Here >
It’s great right? And they tell us you’re the genius..
Editors Note: Hope you enjoyed that little parody of the world’s worst client! Please note that all characters were fictional and this article was purely for entertainment purposes only. What do you think? Do you want more of Marks humour?